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What happened to my “why”?

 

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3

 

Sometimes I lose my “why” and it’s difficult to stay motivated in the hard moments. Knowing what my “why” is and keeping that “why” captivated in my mind is critical to go the distance in everything I do.

 

The other day I was putting the kids to bed. It was way past bed time, as usual. I was tired and ready to stop being “needed” that day. Zach negotiated with me and said “you put the boys to bed and read their Bible to them and I’ll put Zoe to bed and read her Bible to her”. I begrudgingly said, “Sure, let’s do this”. I remember thinking that I was just so tired and not interested in answering ten thousand questions.

I walked in the boy’s room and kissed their sweet little faces. When did they get so big? How is it possible that they are little men in training already? I felt a little panic wash over me as I thought about how little time seemed to have passed since they were born and yet here they are, lying in bed like little men.

 

Then the questions started. Agh!

“Mom, when can we…”

“Mom, do you know…”

“Mom, can I…”

“Mom, how long until…”

“Mom, mom, mom…”

 

My heart pounds. My head spins. What tiny amount of energy I have escapes with every breath.

“I AM DONE! GOOD NIGHT! NO MORE!”

 

As I close the door it flashes through my mind that I did not read their Bible to them.

 

“Mom…Mom…Mom” I hear their voices from down the hall.

“GOOD NIGHT!” I say sternly and sharply.

No more, I cannot take another minute tonight. I just need a break.

 

I emerged from the hallway door like I had wrestled a bear…two tiny, cute and wildly hyper bear cubs, in fact. Zach said, “How’d that go?”

 

It flashed through my mind again. I did not read their bible to them. I feel the conviction and disappointment in myself, but I push it aside and justify my choice with the tiredness, overwhelmedness and selfish need to indulge my tired flesh. I choked out a simple, “fine” as I walk past him. He smirked and simply asked, “Why didn’t you read the bible to them”? I sighed and knew what I should say…because I don’t feel like it, but instead I said, “well, they didn’t ask for me to!?”

 

He looked at me with those loving eyes and soft nature, smiled and said, “OK”.

 

See, I had lost my “why”. Somewhere in the day and the busyness of my mind, it was lost. It was clouded over by so many other loud thoughts and I was not making any effort to recall it, dwell on it and thank God for it.

 

WHY, do we read the Bible to the kids every night?

Because God commands me to do so. (Proverbs 22:6)

Because God’s word came before me and will be after me. (John 1:1)

Because I love God and His word. (Deut. 11:1)

Because I desire my children to love God and His word. (Mark 12:30)

Because truth resides in His word and I desire my children to discern truth. (John 17:17)

Because they belong to God and He speaks to His children through His word. (Acts 5:20)

Because when I wasn’t tired and overwhelmed we agreed to. (Mark 4:17 and 2 Thes. 3:13)

 

Maybe you’ve lost your “why” about something different than me, your marriage, your Job, your friends, your calling into ministry, your commitment to slaying a sin, your pursuit of spiritual growth, your season in life. Have you lost your “why”? Go find it in the Lord, in His word, in fellowship and reproof. 

 

My prayer today:

God fill my heart, my mind and my spirit with you. Compel me to hold your commands and will in the forefront of my mind. Convict my spirit when I forget to obey and follow the leading of your Holy Spirit. Let your spirit overflow from my life and fill the others around me. Amen.

 

 

 

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