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What happened to my “why”?


I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3

Sometimes I lose my “why” and it’s difficult to stay motivated in the hard moments. Knowing what my “why” is and keeping that “why” captivated in my mind is critical to go the distance in everything I do.

The other day I was putting the kids to bed. It was way past bed time, as usual. I was tired and ready to stop being “needed” that day. Zach negotiated with me and said “you put the boys to bed and read their Bible to them and I’ll put Zoe to bed and read her Bible to her”. I begrudgingly said, “Sure, let’s do this”. I remember thinking that I was just so tired and not interested in answering ten thousand questions.

I walked in the boy’s room and kissed their sweet little faces. When did they get so big? How is it possible that they are little men in training already? I felt a little panic wash over me as I thought about how little time seemed to have passed since they were born and yet here they are, lying in bed like little men.

Then the questions started. Agh!

“Mom, when can we…”

“Mom, do you know…”

“Mom, can I…”

“Mom, how long until…”

“Mom, mom, mom…”

My heart pounds. My head spins. What tiny amount of energy I have escapes with every breath.

“I AM DONE! GOOD NIGHT! NO MORE!”